I heard an interesting story from a classmate today (we'll call her Sue):
Last Christmas, Sue's younger brothers opened their presents with great delight. One received an X-Box 360, the other received innumerable games for the aforementioned system. Sue opened hers to find baby clothes. Sue is not pregnant. Sue is not married. Sue is not engaged. Sue is not considering getting engaged. See where I'm going with this?
I've mentioned that I work for Housing (I think I have) and I currently have a resident who is 18 and pregnant. This is actually her second pregnancy.
My brother (so I call him) has a friend who is 19 and pregnant for the third time. She lives with her grandmother and has been using hallucinagins regularly until the discovery of the pregnancy (we are currently trying to determine whether or not she is still using so we can figure out if we need to throw her ass into rehab).
People: babies are cute. The smell good and make cute faces and funny noises. They are fun and difficult to raise. They are insanely expensive and they poop a lot. Most of all: they require A LOT of attention.
disclamer: there are plenty of great young moms out there.
Children are a priveledge and a choice, NOT an obligation. The same is true of marriage.
Friends, enemies and moderately bored acquaintences of the world: stop treating these things so lightly! Women, I know you want grandchildren, but think of their welfare and the welfare of your own children. Why not be patient for just a bit longer and let things happen in their own time?
I cannot even count how many people I know who have said "I love you" to some one after 2 weeks or a month (I'm a guilty party myself, but boy, did I learn) and then end the relationship at 6 months or less when they discover who the person truly is.
Let things happen! Don't force them in the moment! It's ok to just be and let others do the same. Date for a while, fall in love for real. Be married for a while, figure each other out so you can have more fun when you're prepared to be parents. I garuntee that if you take a year or two to get to know each other, your first year of marriage will be easier than it would have otherwise. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Wanna hear something crazy? When we get a crush on some one, the brain begins to resemble that of some one with OCD. We, quite literally and clinically, obsess. Ever notice how many relationships end at the 5-6 month mark? It's because the OCD starts to wear off. Mr./Ms. Perfect isn't so perfect anymore and some of the things s/he does begin to drive us crazy. We start fighting. The question is, can I live with those things driving me crazy? How much do they matter in the long-run? How many people out there are MARRIED before this critical six month mark? Plenty. Trust me, I live in Utah. I'm surrounded. How much harder and stressful do you think that makes their first year of marriage. Marriage is already stressful enough (or so I'm told) but add the question of "Can I really be with this person? They're starting to make me nuts." Think of how much more weight that question carries when it's followed by "I'm married to this person. I'm stuck. Shit." Answer that question first. Then start thinking love, marriage and a baby carriage.
*Steps down from soapbox*
ND
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