What? Nobody invited the Tea Baggers?

(In response to the title, Chelsea Handler was accused of making a sex tape, so they've got it covered.)

Gracious me, what a busy time it's been in the world. Oklahoma OK'd (ha!) doctors lying to patients, Arizona revamped and re-legalized the Jim Crow laws, and candidates for British Parliament have stumbled onto their asses. I guess that's what the Brits get for thinking they can make their politics as asinine as their American counterparts. The right to over expensive and overinflated politics will remain ours yet, ye poms! (I'm told "pom" is inoffensive and the equivalent of "yank" so think before shooting the messenger, should the inclination strike you)

I have to say I'm rather ashamed of the Okies for spitting in the face of medical ethics. Well, it's really more of a kick in the crotch, followed by a harsh elbow to the top of the head and then a shot of tobacco-laden saliva while Ethics are writhing on the ground in anguish. But I digress. Apparently, two things have happened:

1. A woman considering an abortion is now required to have an ultrasound first. This law is great because it increases the wait time between conception and abortion and we all know we want that nervous system as developed as possible! Geeze, kids, that's what partial birth abortion is for.
2. A physician has no obligation to inform his pregnant patient of the status of her child. In lay men's terms, if your child has a genetic disease that can be diagnosed during prenatal development, your physician can lie to you and say everything is hunky-dory. When the child is born and you discover you've been had, you can't sue. Even though common sense dictates that lying is legitimate grounds for a malpractice lawsuit.

Well done, Oklahoma. Well done indeed. You who are ahead of so many states when it comes to special education, have shot yourselves in the foot. Specifically, you've shot yourselves in the ankle with a 12-gage shot gun, taking the entire foot clean off.

Here's a scenario: A loving and liberal woman is pregnant with a child who has trisomy-21, affectionately known as down syndrome. She and her husband are so excited about having a happy, completely developmentally healthy bouncing baby boy. Because she's liberal and the doctor is afraid she'll abort, he doesn't tell them. Boom! The water breaks and after 23.5 hours of exhausting labor and passing a 7lb 2oz. human being through her body, the mother discovers her child has down syndrome. Should she have aborted? I personally would say no, so let's suppose that's what she says (heh heh, --oh, sorry). She and her husband still lover their child, but don't know a blessed thing about raising a child with down syndrome. They haven't had time to prepare so the adjustment is much harder and potentially impairs the baby's development further. A completely innocent fault of the parents that COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED BY THE DOCTOR.

Now this is pretty much a straw man on a slippery slope, so let's put it into an actual argument: Parents have the right to know about their children. If information regarding a child under 18 is available, who are the very first people who hear about it? Parents. Why is this any different. How does it feel, Oklahoma? Like you've been in labor for 48hrs, only to give birth to an iguana? I hope so. I call you my brotheren, Oklahoma. Damn it, first the Sooners become glorified lawn aerators and now this? What's next, we bring back the old racism?

Oh, wait...

Thanks Arizona. Thank you for being this month's "Biggest Dick in the Union."
If you're ill-informed, meet the ill-conceived and ill-educated. That's a lot of illness... Thank goodness we just got Obamacare.

Seriously though, here's the gist:
If you look kinda like an illegal immigrant, a cop is obligated to pull you over, stop you on the street, or interrupt paying you under the table to paint his house and demand you show your paperwork. That's right, my even remotely Hispanic-looking friends, the Gestapo has arrived to ask you for your papers, so you'd better be carrying them at all times. Obama and I have to carry our birth certificates everywhere we go, it seems only fair.

Oh, and citizens can sue if they feel the law is not being enforced strictly enough. Arizona? I'd like to introduce you to your residents, who have just spilled McDonald's coffee in their laps.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, a new species: Neanderthalensis Americanis.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go complain about the Mexicans taking all our jobs while I await the arrival of my welfare check, for which I quit my job at the furniture store.